Say It: "I love you and so does God."

Say it: “I love you. So Does God.”

One thing I have been absolutely sure of all my life is that my Mother loved me. She certainly demonstrated that day after day, year after year. I was number three out of the nine children that she bore. It is impossible to count the number of loads of laundry she did, all before the days of automatic washers or dryers. Each of us kids took our turn at having the measles, whooping cough, mumps, and red-eye. I grew up during the great depression and even dad’s salary of $60.00 a month was not always paid so she scrimped as she made us our daily portion of potatoes and gravy. And I will never forget her sound advice given to me when I was frustrated with our meager diet. She always said, “If you are hungry then jelly bread tastes good.” But three words I did not hear from her were “Melvin, I love you.”

Maybe there was something in our German heritage that frowned upon expressions of endearment. Maybe it had not been the custom in her childhood. I just know that it was not part of my growing-up memories to hear those words. So it is not surprising that when I was in my late thirties and our family was going through some stressful times that I first recall her saying to me “Melvin, I love you.” And it was wonderful to hear those words even if I had never doubted that truth.

Then ten years later we had concluded a difficult talk in which I revealed that I was resigning a significant position in The Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod and was transferring to another Lutheran body that she said to me “Mel, I love you and so does God “.

I guess the fact that I remember that incident today, decades later, proves how important they were to me. And they have been helpful to me in passing on to others. I have learned the lesson that at the appropriate time I can assure another that I love them by saying those simple words “I love you.”

To add the expression “And so does God’ is sometimes a vitally important addition. I think one must guard against using that phrase too flippantly or too casually as if it were be just an everyday casual expression. But at the right moment and said with genuine conviction those four added words carry very special significance to the hearer.  I know I have been told by others, “No one has ever before told me that they loved me and so does God.”

One of the pledges of Christian baptism is that the baptized say that they will “Proclaim God’s love in Christ through word and deed”. One of the simplest and yet most profound way to do that is to simply and honestly say to another, “ I love you. And so does God.”

Walking Wet

The baptism of an infant at my church recently was especially meaningful to me. The baby had two siblings who had joined the baptismal group around the baptismal font. When it came time for the actual baptism the pastor asked the two little ones (about 3 and 5 years of age) to join in and to also sprinkle a bit of water on the head of their little sister as the pastor pronounced the words, “I baptize you in the name of the Father and of the Son and of The Holy Spirit.” Then he took the infant in his arms and marched down the center aisle of the sanctuary. The beaming baby, still wet from the water seemed angelic  .It deeply touched me as I reflected that she was my sister in Christ. I tried to imagine the life that lay before her and the many joys and blessings she could bring to others. Her “Walking Wet” touched me deeply.

In my reverie I recalled another baptism now more that 50 Years ago. It was an Easter service at Concordia Lutheran Church in Hong Kong. We baptized 200 students from the school of which I was principal. This was very significant. We enrolled around 2000 students in that kdg-grade 12 school. New enrolees numbered only about 5% Christian. So to add 200 or more baptized students to our enrolment meant a great deal. I wondered how they would make a difference. How would their classmates know that these friends were now baptized? I urged them to “Walk Wet.” Just be what you are, a beloved child of God. Be honest in your schoolwork. Treat teachers and others with respect and kindness. Don’t cheat. Use no bad language Tell no dirty jokes. Tell others you love them. Remember to pray. Attend worship. Be pleased to tell others that you are baptized. Just “Walk Wet “

Now these many years after that event I find myself in a very different environment, a Retirement Community of some 900 residents. And I ask myself, ”How many of the people here know me? Of those who do know me how many know that I am a baptized Christian? How do I “Walk Wet?” What words have I spoken, what actions have I taken, what behaviors have I demonstrated? How empathetically have I listened? Of course, I realize I could do more things or say more words to “proclaim the love of God in Christ” but I am also grateful that in some small and big ways I am faithful to the baptismal call as day by day I try to simply to  “Walk Wet.”

Let Your Ears Do the Talking

I have been asked to share a brief reflection at my church’s Lenten supper next Wednesday. The topic is the charge given to the newly baptized to “Proclaim God’s love in Christ in word and deed.” When I saw that first word “PROCLAIM” I immediately realized that “proclaim” is not a welcome word to most people. It is not at all unusual to have people say that they are quite uncomfortable with making any public speech. . And an order with the word  “proclaim” is likely to result in an initial response ,“Not me! I am not a proclaimer!”

I am grateful that I learned long ago that sometimes our most powerful way to show God’s love is by initially not proclaiming anything. Rather it is to just listen. That is why I truly believe that often the best way to proclaim God’ s love is to” Let Your Ears Do the Talking”

The power (yes, the ministry) of attending, of hearing, of active listening is sometimes the very best way of showing both human and divine love.

I recently did a little private experiment here at the retirement community at which my wife Jane and I live. I decided to either begin or insert into a conversation something about myself. It could be some experience I have had, some sharing of a previous encounter, an opinion about some current event or recalling a feeling I have been having. Then I would see if the person I was with would in any way follow-up on what I said. In the last 10 times I have done that not once has the person really followed up on my lead. Instead the person(s) talked about their experience, their insight or thought. In one recent case both Jane and I tried at least 3 times to move the conversation to a piece of our life. In every case the other just went right back to their own train of thought!

I am sure that there are times when I too failed to be a good listener. I do, however, place a high value on the importance of listening. For some reason or other I recall an experience of some 40 years ago. I was on a plane to Omaha Nebraska. I had a speech to give and was going over my notes not paying much attention to the woman seated to my left. However, I could not fail but notice that she was upset. So I began with just a brief comment or “door-opener“ as to whether she was afraid of flying. With just this little opening she began to speak, at first reluctantly, and then as I just listened she let it all come out. She was worried, fearful, guilty, ashamed and more. She told me she was returning to the small town from which she had moved. She was returning there to see her father. She had to tell her father of her failed marriage and impending divorce. He would be upset-in fact-very upset because in addition to caring for his daughter he was the pastor -of a Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod congregation! I gave no advice, shared no comparable experience, and did not speak of my position. I just listened. By the time we reached our destination she had become composed. She asked if we could just have a brief prayer together just before we disembarked. I was grateful that I (at least on this one occasion Let My Ears Do the Talking.)

And it is helpful for me to recall that it is our Heavenly Parent who often proclaims God’s love by just listening to me and the millions of others who speak with God in prayer every day.

Growing Up Racist

On Dr. Martin Luther King Memorial weekend this year I led an Adult Class at my church on the topic of racism. It once again caused me to confront the racism with which I grew up. I think it was unconscious and reflected the attitudes of all my acquaintances around me. In some ways it was not vicious or overtly destructive but it was there and it was wrong.

Of course, I never went to school with a black person, never worshipped with one, never played with or against one or knew a black person by name until I was in high school.

An early memory is that we knew of one black family that lived about 5 miles away close to the small town of Weir. The word was out that if anyone from that family came to the local Walburg Mercantile Store they had to be carefully watched, as they were sure to shop lift if they weren’t monitored every minute. The mother of that family must have had a reason for her own actions toward us. I recall that as we sat in the back of a truck and drove by their home the mother had her children pull their pants down, turn their backs to us and expose their rear ends directly at us.

I also interacted a bit with a few black people when we visited at my Grandpa Kieschnick’s farm. He had several black families living on his property. Some of them had been slaves or the children of slaves. I remember Grandpa as demonstrating benign benevolence. They paid no rent. Grandpa helped them out with their medical costs and paid them cash for work done on the farm. I know that when it was dinnertime Grandma K always fed them a meal she herself prepared. It was good solid food; however it was not as choice as what we had at our table and the black people had to eat it at a table out on the porch, not with us.

All of this was in the context of very prevalent state and federal laws intended to preserve the superiority and purity of the white race. In 1930, for example, Alabama still had a law prohibiting white and black people to even play checkers or dominoes together. Another state law forbade blacks and whites to ride in the same boat or go fishing together. All railroads had to provide separate cars for black and for white people. All public restrooms were designated either “White” or “Colored”.  White baseball or other sports teams were not allowed to compete against black teams and no team could have blacks and whites on the same team.

I had never known of a black person who went to college or held a professional position like an attorney or medical doctor.

I had my eyes dramatically opened with an incident when I was a high school sophomore-in 1943. I was at worship at St. Paul Lutheran Church in Austin. A black serviceman who was a U.S. Air Force 1^st Lieutenant entered the church with his black wife. They took their seat in the middle of the church. Very quickly two ushers came to them and asked them to leave. When I saw this my inner voice screamed, “This is not right!”

Also during this time I worked at Wukash Brothers Café on the main drag next to the University of Texas. If any black person came to order a meal or even an ice cream cone they were asked to receive it “in the back-next to the alley”. This again offended me, especially since I was working with a black gentle man dishwasher who was always kind, faithful, hard working and nice to me, a silly teen-ager.

I am grateful that slowly I saw the errors of my ways and hopefully no longer practice racism. But I must confess that, as much s I hate it, there are still occasions where some of those old prejudices and misconceptions creep into some level of my consciousness. I ask God and my black brothers and sisters to forgive me. And I earnestly seek to now always be open to all people regardless of creed. color, or nationality and firmly and gratefully acknowledge that we are all equally created in the image of God.

Cremation

Yesterday I attended the last of five funerals (Celebrations o f Life) within the last two months. In reflection I noted that in each case the family has chosen to have the deceased family member cremated. This is something that was unthinkable to me growing up. I suspect I even considered it wrong and probably sinful.

Of course, by now I have changed my mind and I have spelled out my own desire for

cremation in the appropriate papers and have even paid for it in advance.

While most Protestant Churches (and some Roman Catholics) now approve cremation I try to recall my earlier views and one still held by some today. Some opposed cremation because they judged that the person desiring it somehow or other thought cremation would make resurrection impossible. Resurrection is, of course, a belief that cannot be proven. It is a matter of faith and hope and for many a surety. Others decried cremation because it seemed to dishonor the sanctity of the human body. Still others just never considered that option.

It was not considered an option in my youth. I was born in and lived in a house with the Zion

Lutheran Cemetery just a hundred yards or so away. Every single member of Zion was buried in that cemetery at a very low cost, maybe even at NO cemetery charge. I know all the graves were dug at no charge by members of the church. Now even that cemetery has built a columbarium and

my late brother-in-law law Raymond will be the second person to have his cremains there. I have been active in my current congregation, Calvary Lutheran in Solana Beach CA to install a  columbarium in our sanctuary. Of course, a columbarium holds only cremains. In a couple of days I am assisting in placing the cremains of a former military officer in a three-person space at Fort Rosecrans National Memorial. In the San Diego area burial at sea is very common..

Because I lived in Hong Kong, worked with Chinese brothers and sisters and participated in many burials (no cremations) I checked to see about current practices there. I found that cremation is now becoming quite popular and that in Mainland China the government has dictated that in all major cities all bodies must be cremated. However, the Chinese often still seek very earnestly to have a gravesite for those cremains as they feel it a family duty to return to their ancestors’ burial sites and bring offerings and remembrances.

I close this blog with a somber reflection on the death and cremation of our eldest son David just four years ago. My wife Jane and I took his cremains and decided to strew them in the sea at a spot we loved, to enjoy viewing together from our balcony. I am glad he was cremated and his remains ae part of the Pacific Ocean.That episode is fodder for another later blog. I am glad he was cremated and his remains are now a part of the Pacific Ocean.

And this I believe, that while the mysteries of the after-life are many, the hope of the resurrection of

the body whether after cremation or dissolution remains firm.

Christmas Now (2018) and Then (1933)

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 Christmas continues to be The Most Wonderful Time of the Year. A great time to celebrate and to remember. This year I decided to remember Christmas 85 years ago (1933 when I was 6years of age) and this year when I am 91

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Jane and I flew non-stop from San Diego to the JFK Airport in New York. This, of course was undreamed of when I was 6. To fly across the country in 6 hours (or even to board an airplane) was way beyond my greatest imagination. I had to think about the preparations needed for the 60-mile trip to Grandma and Grandpa Kieschnick in Lincoln Texas. That meant packing our Model A Ford for a long trip. We had to be especially sure that we had enough patches for the inner tubes of our car. We had to anticipate the likelihood of a flat tire as we rode along those country roads, I recalled how mom and dad and (at that time there were 8 of us crowded into that slow moving car of ours) and we had to leave room for some of the canned vegetables or fruit Grandma Kieschnick was sure to send back home with us.

When we reached Connecticut Daughter Elizabeth had her home beautifully and wonderfully decorated. The candles were always lit, the fireplace always burning, the Christmas tree majestic. She even remembered special foods from my childhood special fried sausage on Christmas morning, eggnog every night, homemade cookies and candies all over the place. I remembered the deep poverty of 1933 as we were in the heart of the Great Depression. We were thrilled to get an orange in our Christmas stocking. I received back my little tricycle that the birds had carried away a couple weeks before Christmas and then reappeared all repainted and shiny under my Christmas tree.

The Christmas Eve worship experiences were radically different. When I was a child the service focused on the children with all of us parochial school kids sitting in the front of the church, reciting our “pieces”, singing the carols in three part harmony and giving memorized answers to pre-assigned questions from our teachers, always beginning with “Welches hoest fest feiern wir in diesen tagen?” (Which high festival do we celebrate in these days?). This year the children’s pageant had been presented the previous Sunday. More radical differences: the pastor was a woman!! Those in attendance included black people, Hispanics and people from India-. I honestly believe that if any black persons had come to our Christmas Eve service in 1933 they would have been asked to leave the church or go sit in a secluded corner apart from the white people there. Once again daughter Elizabeth did honor tradition. After the service she took me to the big tree in the front of the church and there was that old paper bag and in it were the traditional orange, a few nuts and of course: a whole package of Wrigley’s Juicy Fruit gum. In  1933 I got one stick and that was the total amount for the year!

When I was six my family and all of my relatives lived within a day’s driving distance. Now my kids live on both coasts and one daughter-in-law lives in Spain. Christmas contact included not only Skype but also email, texts, Facebook and all the other connections that were well beyond our Walburg days when we did not even have a telephone.

So the differences abound. Yet Elizabeth and family were centered on that first Christmas as she had the Advent wreath lit, the Scriptural prophecies read and the timeless message were celebrated. God is love and came to dwell among us and daily invites us bring Joy to the World, a world ever changing and ever the same.

Hawaii - An Unforgettable Maui Experience

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Big Plans-With a Major Modification

Dick Binford has been a warm, wonderful and generous friend for years. Then recently he came with an unbelievably wonderful offer. He was inviting Jane and me together with Pr. Fred Lubs and his wife Ruth to join him (Dick) for a week at Maui as his guests. Wow! That was an invitation to savor and readily accept. Then came a change, which even he did not anticipate when he first made the offer. He laid it out “I am getting married to Cheryl. We want you to perform the wedding ceremony and now there will be six of us on that Maui trip!” Well, being part of his and Cheryl’s honeymoon was a new angle. So we quickly offered to modify the plans so that the two of them would not have 2 retired ministers (plus spouses) along for this great experience. Both he and Cheryl, however, remained cool and said “Come along. It will be great. We will figure out enough one on one time and space for it all to work.” And they did!

A Simple Yet Perfect Wedding

The wedding was held on Sunday evening at the Rancho Bernardo Inn. All was beautifully and carefully arranged and came off as planned. The site was a secluded outdoor space with green grass and lovely flowers with white chairs neatly arranged. Guests arrived on time, excited to support this new relationship. The simple procession down the grassy aisle went as planned with one wonderful little exception. At first the two flower girls were a bit reluctant, then they enthusiastically spread the blossoms. And when they realized that their supply of blossoms would run out before they got to the front they simple went back, picked up some the strewn ones, and again delicately dropped them down the aisle. And then spying some more blossoms on nearby plants they picked some from there to replenish their supply.

The ceremony was direct and simple. The readings were attended to, the prayers spoken, the vows made, the rings exchanged, all accompanied by beautiful harp music. The newly married couple had their first public kiss and those assembled cheered.

The spirit at the reception with many drink and appetizer choices continued the warm spirit as family and friends wished the new couple an overflowing abundance of joy. There was a generous flow of hugs, tears well wishes and affirmations, not a single one of which was missed by the very professional photographer who got it all recorded.

The wedding dinner was just right for group of 42 gathered around tables with assigned seats and carefully served steak and fish with all the great accompaniments, with beverages of choice flowing freely, toasts earnestly made and concluded with special marriage cup cakes!

At 10:30 the next morning family and friends from out of town were treated to a great breakfast on the patio overlooking the tenth green of the golf course below. Once more the sentiments of joy and anticipation stirred through the guests.

First Class to Maui

On Tuesday Jane and I joined Dick and Cheryl in their beautiful downtown San Diego condo where some of us watched the World Series game in which Padres hung on to defeat the Red Sox in 13 innings. But Dick was knocking on our door by 5:30 am the next morning because it was time to head to the airport for the flight to Maui.

And what a ride it was. Outstanding first class on Hawaiian Airlines. The two flight attendants in the First Class cabin were unusually solicitous. They made us feel like each one of us was the exclusive object of their attention. Even when I thought I really did not need another mai tai it was furnished and I succumbed to the polite pressure of having to endure it. It might be a 5-hour flight but it went so smoothly that I wasn’t even sure I wanted to get off.

Room With a View - And Then Some

Dick had made reservations for all of us at the Wailea Beach Resort Condo, D110 to be specific. It had three bedrooms, beautiful living room, full (very full) kitchen, stocked with every conceivable utensil including popcorn popper, waffle iron, three coffee makers, and a bar loaded with name brand drinks, outdoor grills etc. etc. Outside the door we were greeted by a wonderful sitting and viewing area with a flowing waterfall off to the right and the beautiful beach ahead. There was the pool, the beach, the ocean and the walkways with piles of large fresh white fluffy towels at every corner.

Key Events

LUAU. Among the many wonderful events what stands out most is the private Luau that Dick arranged for us at the Wailea Golf Club Restaurant. It was strictly for the six of us. When we arrived the table on the outdoor deck was waiting-but we were invited in for pre-luau mai tais and appetizers

There was a wonderful two male music ensemble playing a uke and a guitar. They sang and played for the full two hours we were there without repeating any number, and they were good, singing at just the right volume, choosing sentimental and appropriate music and ending with a beautiful rendition of  “Can’t Help Falling In Love With You”.

They were easy to dance to. Even I (who cannot possible dance even the simplest step) stood up and hugged Jane and once in awhile moved my feet a bit. It didn’t matter; it was love.

Then came the hula dancing pair. When they came to chat with us after their perfect performance we learned they were husband and wife and their words and body motions were just right for couples, whether newly married or married for 67 years!

It kept coming. This time an incredibly agile and gifted fire dancer who swirled the flaming torches about him in an amazing array of motions and angles. He, too, came to chat with us afterwards and that, too, was interesting.

All of this was accompanied by drinks and a mouth-watering eight (8) course dinner described in detail below.

NOT QUITE TO THE MOUNTAIN TOP. As was the case on several occasions the two guest couples went out on their own while the newly married two-some had the opportunity to follow their own wishes. Fred, Ruth, Jane and I decided to go to the top of Haleakala to see the volcano site. Unfortunately as we neared the top we realized that the peak was completely enveloped by clouds. We went to the National Park Store and enjoyed reading about it and picking up a few souvenirs. With some effort we again found a great place to eat while admiring a still different view of appealing scenery

TOUR OF LANAI AND KIHEI. Traveling on well-traveled and very narrow one-lane roads made for excitement and enjoyment.

Always there was time for long walks on the beach, lounging on the shore, enjoying the pools or just reading Kindle, interrupted only by our choice of watching the World Series with ups and downs of the Dodger efforts cheered on by Cheryl in her newly gifted Dodger cap

And Don’t Forget the Golf. The Wailea Golf Club offers three great course and we played two of them. The first day on the Gold turned into disaster for me. That course must have over 100 sand traps and I found at least 20 of them. Fred hit the longest drives (some of which landed in the fairway) and Dick just hung in there to get the low score. When we played the Emerald Course my partners felt compassion for this old man and let him play the forward tees. That worked great for me and I actually ended up with five 3’s on the scorecard accurately recorded by Cheryl, and shot my age! On the once a year occasion when I shoot my age I always buy the pitchers of beers but when I wanted to do that at the Club House we were told that on Maui the county does not allow serving beer by the pitcher. We adjusted quickly and well within that restriction managed to celebrate the day.

LOOKING AND FEELING BEAUTIFUL. While we were playing our first round of golf the women were having a very special good time. Dick had arranged an appointment for them to get the full treatment at a fancy spa. So they got it all, steam and cream and tender care!

FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! What’s a vacation without special food - and we had plenty. Dick had asked me to grill steak the first evening. I was worried about it but carefully packed my special steak marinade in my checked bag and it went safely through all the checks points. We picked up steaks and they actually turned out great. One night Dick made a great spaghetti dish. The Lubs found some delicious pizzas to bring in. Brunch at the Marriott courtesy of Ruth and Fred was special and I had my first ever Maui Bloody Mary with a crispy slice of fried bacon as a swizzle stick. We ended our stay by going to the Far East for a simple Thai meal as our final selection. Previous to that we enjoyed the meal of a lifetime hosted by Cheryl at Momma’s Fish House. The ambiance there is a very special conglomerate of half a dozen styles. The menu lists pages and pages and the food is absolutely unique. We all had wonderful multi-course meals. My fabulous entre was mahi and other fish in a perfect curry sauce all mingled with fresh and tasteful vegetables. To say “ it was marvelous” is an understatement.

And there were all those homemade cookies. Jane brought a big batch of peanut butter cookies. Ruth brought blueberry muffin cookies. They disappeared so quickly that a trip was made to the grocery for the mix for lots more cookies. They smelled great when they were in the oven and tasted even better when they were in our mouths.

I will close the section on food by just listing the dishes served at the Luau. Here it is: Appetizer: Ahi Cake with Kula Greens and Wasabi Remoulade. Entrees: Macadamia Nut Crusted Fresh Catch with Pineapple Salsa accompanied by Kalua Pork Steamed Buns, followed by Hosin Marinated Short Ribs of Beef with Mushrooms, and Wok Seared Vegetables in Curry Sauce with Lop Cheung Fried Rice and Purple Sweet Potato Mash on the side. All ended up with Selected Sweets! (And the servings were so generous we took food home for the next 4 days!

BUMPS ALONG THE ROAD Every ride needs a bump or two to help appreciate the smooth parts. We were disappointed not to see the volcano. More importantly Jane caught a really bad cold and her cough made her draw upon deep resources within her resilient self to take in as much as possible. Dick and Cheryl did a little joy riding off the main drag and were greeted by a newly arrived boulder on the road, which extended a very firm welcome to them on the front right bumper of their car. The Dodgers disappointed. But what is that among the many joys, comfort, pleasures and just good times we had on Maui

Yes indeed, AN UNFORGETTABLE MAUI EXPERIENCE