Attention

The noted French mystic Simone Weil wrote, “Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity.” Recently that struck me dramatically. In the first instance it was actually I who acted generously even though it didn’t seem like much at the time. It was casual enough. I spoke with a person who had been sitting alone at the complimentary breakfast counter of the chain motel at which we both stayed while we attended a conference. All I really did was listen as she responded to my “How are things going?”. It turned out that she was anxiously awaiting word as to whether or not her application for a PhD scholarship at Harvard had been accepted. It was easy to empathize with her. She was honest about her emotions. I too have spent time waiting for responses to proposals. Basically I just attended because I did care.

A couple weeks later she sent me an email. She didn’t get the scholarship. Yet she focused on how important it was to her to have had those minutes together with me. She felt someone had paid attention, had listened, and it was appreciated.

What happened in that little exchange and what doesn’t happen in a million situations similar to that every day is simply the matter of attention. It is difficult to be in a room or situation where absolutely no one pays attention to you. It is disconcerting (to say the least) to be at a dinner with a couple, to ask them about their lives etc., to listen empathically to that and to then never hear in response anything close to “And how about you?”

I admire Bill Gates and Warren Buffet and their incredibly wonderful generosity. It touches millions. And I contemplate on how millions of others could be blessed if every day every person just decided to perform their own single act of that rarest and purest form of charity, to just pay attention to another person.

Foot Washing & Stacking Chairs

Christians around the world are preparing to observe what is known as Holy Week, the week of recalling Jesus ‘ crucifixion. Together with many other Christians I have this week been reflecting upon another ritual of this week:  Jesus washing his disciples’ feet. In remembering that event I recall an experience of some 50 years ago that still sticks in my mind. It involves the simple act of stacking chairs.

I was principal of Concordia Lutheran School in Hong Kong. At the end of the high school assembly we were getting ready to repeat that assembly for the primary grades. This required a bit of chair rearrangement. So I began doing that. Immediately my two assistant principals (both respected Chinese scholars) ran up to me. “Principal Kieschnick, don’t you move those chairs! That is not a job for a principa,. We will call the janitor who’ll immediately take care of it.!”

Now this was a new experience for me. One of the jobs I always felt went with being principal was  doing the little stuff like moving chairs. Now I was told to not do that. I had been in that Chinese society long enough to stop and reflect. My two colleagues were speaking out of a long tradition. They felt that moving chairs was below the dignity of a school principal. If he did that the entire office of the principal would lose some respect. I had to take that point of view seriously. After all, if the office of principal was lowered in the eyes of the students that would also affect their view of his assistants.

Yet my mind had other thoughts. “I do not find this demeaning. The elementary school kids are about to arrive, I have a few minutes, I can get the chairs set up and be ready to go almost by the time the custodian would get here.” And I must admit I also had a slight feeling of  being called to “wash feet”-that is to humble one’s self.

About that time the janitor arrived and set up the chairs. But those conflicting impulses still prevail. Respect the traditions of those among whom you serve. On the other hand don’t let tradition n keep you from doing what your more sanctified impulse is urging you to do.

What would you have done?

Barefoot

It may have been a case of  neglect, laziness or maybe even memory loss. But a while ago I found myself busy at my computer, sitting here in my bare feet. It felt so very good. My mind pondered, “Why is it feeling so good to sit here in my bare feet?” I got theoretical. Maybe it’s because that’s how we first entered this world and we humans have an innate urge to get back to nature. Maybe it was just because it felt good to have one’s feet not restricted in any way. And any kind of freedom feels good. Maybe it was an act of asserting myself and I was saying to myself “ If I feel like going barefoot today, I will just do that, regardless of what anyone else may think or say.’

Upon deeper reflection on this earth-shaking question I came to another conclusion. And it’s one I will stick with. It felt good to be barefooted because it brought back all kinds of memories of my youth. I grew up in Texas. Part of that Texas rural and family freedom meant we did not have to wear shoes. We went barefooted at home, when we played, when we went to school, when we “went to town”. Only going to church on Sunday demanded shoes. Even then I didn’t like it and always had my shoes off even before we sat down for Sunday dinner.

Going barefooted did have its down-sides. One is that we were constantly stepping on stickers, burrs, glass, screws, nails and even needles. When I broke my ankle playing college football the x-ray technicians were more concerned about that needle embedded in my heel than with my ankle. I remember how that diagnosis frightened my mom who feared it would migrate to my heart and prove fatal. The Drs. assured us it was firmly embedded in tissue. A few years later after playing basketball with my pupils at St. Paul’s school in Tracy, CA I was again at the x--ray lab. So again the question: “What is the world is that needle doing in your heel?” I explained it was just another reminder of those wonderful days of going barefoot in my youth.

Going barefoot in the cotton fields of a Texas summer also proved a bit of a challenge. When the temperature hit the near hundreds the unshod soles of one’s feet got really challenged. I remember how I tried to find the shade of the cotton plants to protect them but it never got so bad that I wanted to wear shoes. One result is that tremendous calluses were formed on the bottom of my feet, a remnant of which stays with me to this day.

Of course, I could get even more philosophical and reflect upon poor kids whose feet are cold in winter because they have no shoes, or poor children who face bites and diseases because of their bare feet. But sitting here at my computer in my bare feet I will just revel in the moment and let my mind have the joy of remembering the marvelous carefree, barefooted days of my youth!

Supreme Court-and Lutheran Teaching Ministers

It must be the first time that a matter relating to a Lutheran teaching minister was heard by the US Supreme Court. The case was heard and last month the court issued its much publicized decision. This decision has implications for all in that esoteric category of commissioned ministers. Within Lutheranism in the USA only the LCMS and the Wisconsin Evangelical Lutheran Synod choose that or a similar category of professional church workers.

Most of the secular press correctly focused on the “ministerial exception “ aspect of the ruling. That exception said that churches are exempt from certain work related anti-discrimination laws when dealing with officially rostered ministers of religion

My joy comes from another place; namely, that the Court reaffirmed that Commissioned Teachers are, in fact, ministers of religion in the eyes, not only of the church, but also of the state.

That is great for those who teach in Lutheran schools. Without in any way taking away from the ministry of lay teachers it does affirm the particular role in which “called teachers” see themselves and their calling. Even the US Supreme Court said that they are doing ministry in all their teaching and not just when teaching a formal religion class. That is what veteran Lutheran teachers have always affirmed and hopefully demonstrated.

It came home to me at another more personal level. I am officially listed by my denomination, the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, as an Associate in Ministry. However, in the ELCA I am considered a layperson. Just to dig up ancient inner-church conflict: when former LCMS teachers first were rostered with the ELCA they were given temporary minister of religion status. Subsequent church action decided to not do that. Only ordained clergy had the right to be classified and recognized by the church or by the US government ministers of religion.

So here’s a “hats off to the LCMS leadership for its role in its advocacy before the Court and here’s to all my colleagues who humbly (and proudly) claim their status of minister of religion. May they be blessed in their vital work of ministering in a Lutheran school!

Organ Recital, Memories and Ageing

It was my late friend Les Bayer who first introduced me to the most common “organ recital” of our time. This happens when people of my age get together. Immediately the talk goes to hips, lungs, kidneys, liver and other organs. This happened again last night when the residents of my building at this Retirement Community had a shared dinner.

Then came the speeches. It was great. Each floor rep had to make a speech. This proved to be a challenge for those of us used to just doing organ recitals. Even with extensive notes and much coaching from spouses and friends it seems that names were forgotten, dates confused and joke punch lines suddenly forgotten. It was great fun. And lots of empathy.

And it also made me get reflective. I remember my father-in-law. He was in his 90”s and had always been extremely patient and even tempered. But now I suddenly found him angry and combative. It took me a while to catch on. He was struggling with Alzheimer’s. Facts, data, numbers and names which used to come to him immediately were now suddenly outside the realm of his recollection. This frustrated him. Made him angry. He exploded. I understood.

It, as always, gets personal. Within the last week I sent two emails which contained a wrong date, an incorrect starting time, the wrong day of the week and the misappropriation of the author of a prayer. I refuse to get on the organ recital bench. But I did have to have a couple expletives deleted. And then I smiled and was grateful that at least I could still play a full 18 holes of golf and count correctly the number of strokes.

USA Health Care: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

Health care in the USA can be fantastic. My wife Jane just had her knee replaced. This followed having previously replaced both her hips and her other knee. Things went very well. She has the marvel of whole new knee all meshed into her existing anatomy. In six months she will be able to walk anywhere. The doctor was skillful. The drugs worked. The staff was helpful. It was GOOD!

And it was Bad. When we met with the Orthopedic Surgeon Fellow who was to assist with the surgery he explained that he was unable to find any record of Jane’s previous knee surgery (even though it was at his hospital by his partner!). When checking drugs to which Jane is allergic we found that the list we had provided over and over was incomplete. When we tried to contact the anesthesiologist we were told that who that would be would not be known until an hour or so before the surgery. After surgery we again (for the tenth time) gave the list of drugs to which she has violent reactions. The prohibited drugs were still on the list. But we finally got that right and she was sent to Skilled Nursing away from the hospital.

Guess what: Those killer drugs that gave extreme nausea were exactly the ones prescribed for heavy use. When we told the doctor that we had learned exactly what drugs worked, (including exact dosage) that too got messed up. Then the doctor was unavailable (via phone, text, email or tweet, etc. etc.) for 4 days to correct it. Jane’s nausea returned. Then when she was ready to come home the pharmacist was unable to provide the 25 mg. dosage (which had been 2 pills of 10 mg. each plus 1 pill of 5 mg. and would not prescribe 5 pills of 5mg each. And so the story goes on. It was BAD!

Finally it got a little UGLY. I asked the pharmacist how I could ensure that there would be no time lapse when her current prescription is used up and a refill kicks in. The message was clear “You handle this. Just remember that it takes us 5 days to get that filled if your order comes in on a weekend! And we will refill the order only if it comes in on more than 3 days before the current prescription runs out.

All of this is more than anyone wants to read about. But here is a message all need to know. “If you or a loved one is sick the critical factor for good care: Be an advocate. Speak up. Keep records. Be assertive. Insist on talking to the proper doctors. Pity those poor people who have no advocates or who are unable to speak up for themselves.

 If that can all the handled then indeed medical care in the USA will end up moving through the bad and the ugly and can actually be VERY GOOD!

China IV: One Child Policy

(Note: I have just returned from a three-week visit to China and Hong Kong and am reflecting

on some of my experiences and impressions in a series of blogs of which this is No. 4.) 

The trip to China from which I recently returned was trip number seven since 1989. On each trip virtually every one of my Chinese hosts has chosen to talk about the China One Child Policy. This is very understandable because almost everyone in China is affected by it. First put into action in 1978 it limits family size to one child for all couples except those in selected rural areas, minority groups and parents whose first children are a set of twins.

The results are dramatic. It is estimated that half a billion births have been prevented. In the past, births of female fetuses were often avoided through abortion. (It is now illegal for any person to reveal to a pregnant mother the gender of a fetus as shown on a sonogram). Births of daughters were often unreported so that the couple would wait for the second child (hopefully a male) and that birth would be recorded as “first child”. All of this has resulted in a situation where there are approximately 117 young males for every 100 females. Another result from this endeavor is that India has or soon will exceed China as the world’s most populous country. Another obvious outcome is that the number of younger people in the workplace who support the elderly is now dramatically reduced.  

Family dynamics are, of course, significantly influenced. People have no aunts, uncles or cousins. Two sets of grandparents have only one grandchild among the four of them. Parents wonder if their one child will be able to support them in the traditional way of caring for them. (There are even for-profit endeavors to provide Senior Citizen Retirement Communities that can be a source of profit for those who operate them. And, to date, there are virtually no state-mandated regulations for such endeavors.)

 Enforcement of the One Child policy has also become more difficult. Three years ago I still heard female elementary teachers saying that if they already had one child (a daughter) they sometimes were forced to take a pregnancy test to ensure that if they were pregnant they would be required to get an abortion. In my last two trips I was told that this practice has now been stopped. In the past all persons had severe limitations as to where they could live It was all government assigned. Now there is much greater freedom of choice and people buy their own apartments. In the past families with more than one child were on a lower admissions priority for hospital care than families with only one child. That, too, is not something I heard about as still being practiced.

A significant impact has been on parenting styles. While this may be true in all cultures, it is my belief that the “authoritarian’ or “permissive” reality is doubly true in China. Each parent will have only one child. Each grandparent will have only one grandchild. One response is that some really want that child to be an absolutely outstanding perfect child in every way and so the elders are very strict, very authoritarian, often quite punishing of unacceptable behavior. (See the Tiger Mom syndrome.) On the other extreme are those parents and grandparents who say, “You are our only child (grandchild). You are the empress/emperor in our family. Whatever toy, or clothing, or gadget, or second McDonalds you want. it is yours!” To suggest to parents that there is an alternative to these two options is a very hard sell, is counter culture and is why the introduction Parent Effectiveness Training in China is moving ahead very, very slowly.

A recent change I have noticed: I had several people, especially women, say they would be just as happy or even happier to have a girl child than a male child. One taxi driver father with whom we chatted even said that he wished that one of his two children were a girl so that he would get at least one dowry!

As indicated above, there is a growing concern as to how the younger generation will be able to support the much larger older generation. Just last month I was told that in March there was a significant change in policy. Under the new policy if both husband and wife are themselves single children then they are allowed to have two children. The other thing that I experienced, especially in Shanghai and the more affluent urban areas is that couples are choosing to have more than one child because they now have incomes to overcome the state-imposed penalties (poorer housing or higher taxes et sim). They have the resources for a second child so they choose to have them. Concurrently (especially in places like Shenzhen) young couples are choosing to live together without formal marriages and those couples are either not having any children at all or are significantly delaying the birth of their first child. Lastly, the divorce rate in urban areas is rising dramatically (50% now in some areas) so those couples, too, are choosing to not have even that one child.

Three things are certain: 1. China central government will continue to adopt and attempt to enforce a countrywide “population growth policy”. 2. Enforcement will vary greatly from province to province. 3. Children of both genders will be conceived, born and grow up in very complex interconnected world which last week experienced the birth of its 7 billionth living resident.

(Note: I have just returned from a three-week visit to China and Hong Kong and am reflecting

on some of my experiences and impressions in a series of blogs of which this is No. 4.) 

The trip to China from which I recently returned was trip number seven since 1989. On each trip virtually every one of my Chinese hosts has chosen to talk about the China One Child Policy. This is very understandable because almost everyone in China is affected by it. First put into action in 1978 it limits family size to one child for all couples except those in selected rural areas, minority groups and parents whose first children are a set of twins.

The results are dramatic. It is estimated that half a billion births have been prevented. In the past, births of female fetuses were often avoided through abortion. (It is now illegal for any person to reveal to a pregnant mother the gender of a fetus as shown on a sonogram). Births of daughters were often unreported so that the couple would wait for the second child (hopefully a male) and that birth would be recorded as “first child”. All of this has resulted in a situation where there are approximately 117 young males for every 100 females. Another result from this endeavor is that India has or soon will exceed China as the world’s most populous country. Another obvious outcome is that the number of younger people in the workplace who support the elderly is now dramatically reduced.  

Family dynamics are, of course, significantly influenced. People have no aunts, uncles or cousins. Two sets of grandparents have only one grandchild among the four of them. Parents wonder if their one child will be able to support them in the traditional way of caring for them. (There are even for-profit endeavors to provide Senior Citizen Retirement Communities that can be a source of profit for those who operate them. And, to date, there are virtually no state-mandated regulations for such endeavors.)

 Enforcement of the One Child policy has also become more difficult. Three years ago I still heard female elementary teachers saying that if they already had one child (a daughter) they sometimes were forced to take a pregnancy test to ensure that if they were pregnant they would be required to get an abortion. In my last two trips I was told that this practice has now been stopped. In the past all persons had severe limitations as to where they could live It was all government assigned. Now there is much greater freedom of choice and people buy their own apartments. In the past families with more than one child were on a lower admissions priority for hospital care than families with only one child. That, too, is not something I heard about as still being practiced.

A significant impact has been on parenting styles. While this may be true in all cultures, it is my belief that the “authoritarian’ or “permissive” reality is doubly true in China. Each parent will have only one child. Each grandparent will have only one grandchild. One response is that some really want that child to be an absolutely outstanding perfect child in every way and so the elders are very strict, very authoritarian, often quite punishing of unacceptable behavior. (See the Tiger Mom syndrome.) On the other extreme are those parents and grandparents who say, “You are our only child (grandchild). You are the empress/emperor in our family. Whatever toy, or clothing, or gadget, or second McDonalds you want. it is yours!” To suggest to parents that there is an alternative to these two options is a very hard sell, is counter culture and is why the introduction Parent Effectiveness Training in China is moving ahead very, very slowly.

A recent change I have noticed: I had several people, especially women, say they would be just as happy or even happier to have a girl child than a male child. One taxi driver father with whom we chatted even said that he wished that one of his two children were a girl so that he would get at least one dowry!

As indicated above, there is a growing concern as to how the younger generation will be able to support the much larger older generation. Just last month I was told that in March there was a significant change in policy. Under the new policy if both husband and wife are themselves single children then they are allowed to have two children. The other thing that I experienced, especially in Shanghai and the more affluent urban areas is that couples are choosing to have more than one child because they now have incomes to overcome the state-imposed penalties (poorer housing or higher taxes et sim). They have the resources for a second child so they choose to have them. Concurrently (especially in places like Shenzhen) young couples are choosing to live together without formal marriages and those couples are either not having any children at all or are significantly delaying the birth of their first child. Lastly, the divorce rate in urban areas is rising dramatically (50% now in some areas) so those couples, too, are choosing to not have even that one child.

Three things are certain: 1. China central government will continue to adopt and attempt to enforce a countrywide “population growth policy”. 2. Enforcement will vary greatly from province to province. 3. Children of both genders will be conceived, born and grow up in very complex interconnected world which last week experienced the birth of its 7 billionth living resident.