Spare the Rod

One need not be a Bible scholar to complete the above sentence by adding the words: “and spoil the child.” Further, my experience is that almost 100% of the people who quote this verse believe it advocates parents spanking their children. I used to believe that too. But not anymore.

My parents believed in spanking. I am sure my dad spanked me; yet I cannot recall any specific time that he did so. I do recall my mom spanking me (and at the same time three or four of my siblings). We were under strict instructions from her to have the dishes washed and the kitchen cleaned by the time she returned from using the “outhouse”. We had done neither, but were having a great water fight. She spanked us all (and a couple of us twice) when we just kept being silly.

The other spanking was dramatic. When I “misbehaved” in a front pew in church, mother picked me up. She carried me near the church wall where my shoes banged on each wainscot board as we exited. The spanking outside and my loud yelping were heard by all.

Earlier this week I asked my now 57-year old son if he remembered me spanking him. He remembered in some detail. I know I also spanked our number 2 son – and I am sure that I never spanked any of our other 3 children. In my first year of teaching, in frustration I spanked an energetic second grader. I now deeply regret that. I suspect he had attention deficit disorder. I didn’t help – and now I wonder if and how Billy Joe recalls with bitterness his second grade teacher.

I now believe that parents spank out of ignorance of better parenting patterns. And I question whether that Bible verse about sparing the rod even talks about spanking. In the 70’s and 80’s I was the Director of the internationally acclaimed Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T.) which gave parents alternatives to corporal punishment. P.E.T. was so broadly understood that James Dobson of Focus on the Family fame devoted an entire chapter in one of his books warning against P.E.T. and especially the P.E.T. idea that parents did not have to spank and yet could still raise responsible children.

My memory is (but I could not find a record of it) that I debated him on this topic at a public forum. I do recall conducting a word study on the Biblical use of the term rod. I noticed that Psalm 23 asserts, “Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.” More and more I saw “the rod” as an instrument for pointing the way; as a guide to green pastures and gently flowing streams. I saw my role as a father to be that of guide, model, teacher, and pointer. So now I try to never spare the rod inappropriately. I make very sure never to use it to hit anyone, especially a precious young child. My children share this conviction of mine and none of my eight grandchildren is spoiled.

Speaking Fees

I enjoyed (Is that the right word?) reading the latest report compiled by NEWWEEK on (among other things) the speaking fees earned by those it labeled “pundits and politicos”. Among its listings: Rudy Guiliani – more than $8million a year, Glen Beck - $3 million, Bill Clinton - $200,000 a year, Sarah Palin - $100,000 per speech. The article chose to not even guess at the appropriate figures for Rush Limbough or Sean Hannity.

All of this got me to reflecting. “Hey, I’ve given lots of speeches. How did I do?” I must admit that in all the courses I ever took at school to become a “duly certified teaching minister” of the church, the topic of appropriate speaking fees never once got a minute of attention.

I now regret that in my early years as I invited guest speakers (or spoke at one myself) at graduations, conferences, parent-teacher assemblies, I never once recall paying anyone a speaking fee.

That changed a bit in the early 60’s. I was home on leave from Hong Kong where I served as an education missionary. I was expected to and happily did travel all over the country giving talks, especially slide lecture presentations on the Lutheran Church’s work there in Hong Kong. It was expected that the hosts would provide room and board – and anything above that went to support our work. That was a joy. I used the generated gifts and fees to support school tuition for poor students in Hong Kong. Those investments paid very rich blessings for those students, the church, and the world.

Two other minor incidents around missionary speaking fees do now cause me to smile. One night a very gracious “little old woman” announced to me that she was grateful for my work and presentation and wanted to give me a personal token of appreciation. Before I had a chance to protest she slipped it to me: a nice package of Wrigley’s Juicy Fruit gum.

On another occasion the pastor of the group I was addressing asked me to make an appeal for the Mission Fund of our denomination as the congregation had fallen behind in its pledge. I did my best and protested when a woman insisted she give me her gift personally and directly. She insisted and pressed into my hand a crisp one-dollar bill!

Years later, in the late 60’s and 70’s, I worked for a district/synod of the church. It was official policy that we were allowed to receive (as extra personal income) any honorarium or speaking fees offered us. That resulted in a couple of incidents my colleagues Ron and Don and I recall to this day. Ron received as an honorarium a watermelon, which he brought home on his lap as he flew home. Don hit the jackpot the day his “fee” came in the form of 2 heads of freshly picked cabbages.

That makes it understandable why I once telephoned a church officer to report that a mistake must have been made in my honorarium. I couldn’t believe I was being paid $75 for just one morning of preaching and speaking.

Believe me, I report all of this above without anger, bitterness or resentment. The Church has treated me well. Organizations have since given me more than generous speaking fees and individual friends continue to be more giving and supporting than I deserve.

So, go ahead, Rudy, Rush, Glen, Sarah, Bill and all the rest. Enjoy the fees and what you can do with them. As for me, I’ll just smile and remember that when I once received a crisp one-dollar bill, I thoroughly enjoyed the 6-pak of beer I was able to purchase with that very special speaking fee.