China IV: One Child Policy

(Note: I have just returned from a three-week visit to China and Hong Kong and am reflecting

on some of my experiences and impressions in a series of blogs of which this is No. 4.) 

The trip to China from which I recently returned was trip number seven since 1989. On each trip virtually every one of my Chinese hosts has chosen to talk about the China One Child Policy. This is very understandable because almost everyone in China is affected by it. First put into action in 1978 it limits family size to one child for all couples except those in selected rural areas, minority groups and parents whose first children are a set of twins.

The results are dramatic. It is estimated that half a billion births have been prevented. In the past, births of female fetuses were often avoided through abortion. (It is now illegal for any person to reveal to a pregnant mother the gender of a fetus as shown on a sonogram). Births of daughters were often unreported so that the couple would wait for the second child (hopefully a male) and that birth would be recorded as “first child”. All of this has resulted in a situation where there are approximately 117 young males for every 100 females. Another result from this endeavor is that India has or soon will exceed China as the world’s most populous country. Another obvious outcome is that the number of younger people in the workplace who support the elderly is now dramatically reduced.  

Family dynamics are, of course, significantly influenced. People have no aunts, uncles or cousins. Two sets of grandparents have only one grandchild among the four of them. Parents wonder if their one child will be able to support them in the traditional way of caring for them. (There are even for-profit endeavors to provide Senior Citizen Retirement Communities that can be a source of profit for those who operate them. And, to date, there are virtually no state-mandated regulations for such endeavors.)

 Enforcement of the One Child policy has also become more difficult. Three years ago I still heard female elementary teachers saying that if they already had one child (a daughter) they sometimes were forced to take a pregnancy test to ensure that if they were pregnant they would be required to get an abortion. In my last two trips I was told that this practice has now been stopped. In the past all persons had severe limitations as to where they could live It was all government assigned. Now there is much greater freedom of choice and people buy their own apartments. In the past families with more than one child were on a lower admissions priority for hospital care than families with only one child. That, too, is not something I heard about as still being practiced.

A significant impact has been on parenting styles. While this may be true in all cultures, it is my belief that the “authoritarian’ or “permissive” reality is doubly true in China. Each parent will have only one child. Each grandparent will have only one grandchild. One response is that some really want that child to be an absolutely outstanding perfect child in every way and so the elders are very strict, very authoritarian, often quite punishing of unacceptable behavior. (See the Tiger Mom syndrome.) On the other extreme are those parents and grandparents who say, “You are our only child (grandchild). You are the empress/emperor in our family. Whatever toy, or clothing, or gadget, or second McDonalds you want. it is yours!” To suggest to parents that there is an alternative to these two options is a very hard sell, is counter culture and is why the introduction Parent Effectiveness Training in China is moving ahead very, very slowly.

A recent change I have noticed: I had several people, especially women, say they would be just as happy or even happier to have a girl child than a male child. One taxi driver father with whom we chatted even said that he wished that one of his two children were a girl so that he would get at least one dowry!

As indicated above, there is a growing concern as to how the younger generation will be able to support the much larger older generation. Just last month I was told that in March there was a significant change in policy. Under the new policy if both husband and wife are themselves single children then they are allowed to have two children. The other thing that I experienced, especially in Shanghai and the more affluent urban areas is that couples are choosing to have more than one child because they now have incomes to overcome the state-imposed penalties (poorer housing or higher taxes et sim). They have the resources for a second child so they choose to have them. Concurrently (especially in places like Shenzhen) young couples are choosing to live together without formal marriages and those couples are either not having any children at all or are significantly delaying the birth of their first child. Lastly, the divorce rate in urban areas is rising dramatically (50% now in some areas) so those couples, too, are choosing to not have even that one child.

Three things are certain: 1. China central government will continue to adopt and attempt to enforce a countrywide “population growth policy”. 2. Enforcement will vary greatly from province to province. 3. Children of both genders will be conceived, born and grow up in very complex interconnected world which last week experienced the birth of its 7 billionth living resident.

(Note: I have just returned from a three-week visit to China and Hong Kong and am reflecting

on some of my experiences and impressions in a series of blogs of which this is No. 4.) 

The trip to China from which I recently returned was trip number seven since 1989. On each trip virtually every one of my Chinese hosts has chosen to talk about the China One Child Policy. This is very understandable because almost everyone in China is affected by it. First put into action in 1978 it limits family size to one child for all couples except those in selected rural areas, minority groups and parents whose first children are a set of twins.

The results are dramatic. It is estimated that half a billion births have been prevented. In the past, births of female fetuses were often avoided through abortion. (It is now illegal for any person to reveal to a pregnant mother the gender of a fetus as shown on a sonogram). Births of daughters were often unreported so that the couple would wait for the second child (hopefully a male) and that birth would be recorded as “first child”. All of this has resulted in a situation where there are approximately 117 young males for every 100 females. Another result from this endeavor is that India has or soon will exceed China as the world’s most populous country. Another obvious outcome is that the number of younger people in the workplace who support the elderly is now dramatically reduced.  

Family dynamics are, of course, significantly influenced. People have no aunts, uncles or cousins. Two sets of grandparents have only one grandchild among the four of them. Parents wonder if their one child will be able to support them in the traditional way of caring for them. (There are even for-profit endeavors to provide Senior Citizen Retirement Communities that can be a source of profit for those who operate them. And, to date, there are virtually no state-mandated regulations for such endeavors.)

 Enforcement of the One Child policy has also become more difficult. Three years ago I still heard female elementary teachers saying that if they already had one child (a daughter) they sometimes were forced to take a pregnancy test to ensure that if they were pregnant they would be required to get an abortion. In my last two trips I was told that this practice has now been stopped. In the past all persons had severe limitations as to where they could live It was all government assigned. Now there is much greater freedom of choice and people buy their own apartments. In the past families with more than one child were on a lower admissions priority for hospital care than families with only one child. That, too, is not something I heard about as still being practiced.

A significant impact has been on parenting styles. While this may be true in all cultures, it is my belief that the “authoritarian’ or “permissive” reality is doubly true in China. Each parent will have only one child. Each grandparent will have only one grandchild. One response is that some really want that child to be an absolutely outstanding perfect child in every way and so the elders are very strict, very authoritarian, often quite punishing of unacceptable behavior. (See the Tiger Mom syndrome.) On the other extreme are those parents and grandparents who say, “You are our only child (grandchild). You are the empress/emperor in our family. Whatever toy, or clothing, or gadget, or second McDonalds you want. it is yours!” To suggest to parents that there is an alternative to these two options is a very hard sell, is counter culture and is why the introduction Parent Effectiveness Training in China is moving ahead very, very slowly.

A recent change I have noticed: I had several people, especially women, say they would be just as happy or even happier to have a girl child than a male child. One taxi driver father with whom we chatted even said that he wished that one of his two children were a girl so that he would get at least one dowry!

As indicated above, there is a growing concern as to how the younger generation will be able to support the much larger older generation. Just last month I was told that in March there was a significant change in policy. Under the new policy if both husband and wife are themselves single children then they are allowed to have two children. The other thing that I experienced, especially in Shanghai and the more affluent urban areas is that couples are choosing to have more than one child because they now have incomes to overcome the state-imposed penalties (poorer housing or higher taxes et sim). They have the resources for a second child so they choose to have them. Concurrently (especially in places like Shenzhen) young couples are choosing to live together without formal marriages and those couples are either not having any children at all or are significantly delaying the birth of their first child. Lastly, the divorce rate in urban areas is rising dramatically (50% now in some areas) so those couples, too, are choosing to not have even that one child.

Three things are certain: 1. China central government will continue to adopt and attempt to enforce a countrywide “population growth policy”. 2. Enforcement will vary greatly from province to province. 3. Children of both genders will be conceived, born and grow up in very complex interconnected world which last week experienced the birth of its 7 billionth living resident.

China III: The Church In China

(Note: I have just returned from a three-week visit to China and Hong Kong and am reflecting on some of my experiences and impressions in a series of blogs of which this is No. 3.)

I make no claims on being an expert on the Christian church in China today. I simply reflect upon my personal experience in the churches my wife Jane and I visited there last month. The first Sunday we visited the Beijing Chongwenmen Church. Like all registered churches in China today it does not claim any denominational affiliation, as denominationalism has been declared illegal in China. However, The brochure of the Chiongwenmen Church speaks of it being established in 1870 under the auspices of the American Methodist Church. Today it is a registered “Three-Self Church”. As such it has three important characteristics. One, it must be self-governed, that is, not accountable to any foreign hierarchy or Board like the Vatican or an American Mission Board. Secondly, it must be self-propagating. Foreign evangelists are not permitted and the evangelistic preaching must all be done by Chinese. Thirdly, it must be self-financing. Restrictions for the operating funds of local churches in China are severely enforced.

The service we attended was one of 5 that the congregation held that day. Four were conducted in Mandarin and one in Korean. The church was packed - at least a thousand worshipers. I noted the great diversity. While women were in the majority there were certainly many males present. The age grouping was fairly representative of the general population. The dress was “middle class informal". Two female pastors served the congregation. The beautifully robed women’s choir sang beautifully. The hymns and readings were posted on the overhead screens and the audiovisuals were all done very professionally.

As foreign visitors we were seated in the section equipped with headphones and we could select English as the translated (interpreted) language. We were only 4 Americans among the many visitors who were introduced and the attractive young woman who sat next to me introduced herself (in English) as coming from Russia.

The liturgy was traditional, with the readings the same as those read by thousands of other Christian churches around the world. (Aside: this is one reason I like the traditional designated readings. I can be in a Christian church anywhere in the world on any given Sunday and know that the people of Calvary Lutheran Church, Solana Beach, California will be listening to exactly the same reading on that Sunday. Note: No offering was received, but offering receptacles were at the door as one left.

The second Sunday we went to church in a smaller city some 60 miles west of Xian. We attended there because our Chinese host, Laurie Li,, has a mother and brother who are members of that congregation. It is quite unusual for any foreigners to be in that church and very rare (if ever) for a foreigner to address the congregation. I was very clear that I did not intend to “preach the sermon: The elders did get permission from their duly appointed Government Liaison Officer for me to bring greetings, to lead a prayer, and to speak the benediction. This church, too, had about 1000 in attendance that day. The church was packed. The women and men’s choir was beautifully robed and did an outstanding dramatic presentation of readings and song. Even with several thousand members this church does not have a pastor as there simply are not enough pastors ordained to serve all the parishes. So this church, Immanuel by name, was led by three elders, one of whom is part-time at the seminary and hopes to be ordained and then serve as pastor of this church.

This church, too, had, of course been closed during the Mao years. The churches were all converted to warehouses, factories, even arsenals. But now they are being restored (sometimes even with Government assistance).

Just three asides: 1. When the pastor introduced us he mentioned that we were celebrating our 60th wedding anniversary. The congregation applauded vigorously. During communion tens of members stopped by our pew and used their cell phone cameras to have their pictures taken with us. But most surprising was that after telling about our wedding the elder announced the Psalm reading for the day. And it turned out to be exactly the verses (Psalm 34:1-4) that the pastor had used as homily text when we were married all those years ago in Ft. Wayne, Indiana. 2. After the service Jane and I and Laurie’s family were hosted to a very simple, yet profoundly moving luncheon in a little room in the back of the church. It was just salted peanuts, a green vegetable, some bean curd and a lovely steamed fish, but in that setting and out of that poverty (the lead elder’s monthly salary is $80.00) I was moved almost to tears. 3. Our host’s brother is a member of that church. For years he was a silent member as he was a Communist Party member and dared not be exposed as a Christian. However, the climate has changed, he is “out” as a Christian and even sings in the choir where all can see him

Fact: There are probably over100 million Christians in China today. They come from all classes of society and are of all ages. They meet in registered state-approved churches and in the non-official house churches. Sometimes they are persecuted, jailed and even killed. But generally the church is seeing a renaissance which is affecting all levels of society and the individual stories could fill volumes.

China/Hong Kong II: Hospitality

(Note: I have just returned from a three week visit to China and Hong Kong and will reflect on some of my experiences and impressions in a series of blogs of which this is No. 2.)

Almost all of the world’s great religions call upon their followers to “practice hospitality”. I have tried to follow that important injunction. However, on the trip from which Jane I just returned the tables were turned: We were the objects of others’ hospitality, and at a level beyond my wildest imagination. I am still reeling in overwhelm.

It all started simply enough. One Sunday morning after I taught a class at my church I announced that I would be gone for a few weeks as I was headed to China. A gentleman by name of Elwein came up to me and asked if I needed assistance with air travel. I explained that that was not required as the organization for which I was doing this trip had already purchased my round trip ticket. However, in response to some impulse that I am not sure I know from whence it came I added, “But if my wife I make it through 60 years of marriage next year and our health permits, we would like to celebrate with a visit China, and if you could help us out with a few frequent flyer miles so that we could move from the back of plane to the Economy Plus that would surely be appreciated.”

This almost casual remark yielded a marvelous gift. Leon and Sarah booked us First Class to Beijing with return from Hong Kong. On top of that they provided accommodations at the top JW Marriott’s in each of those cities. And more: they got us our visas, facilitated access to the Executive Lounges, and picked up all meal costs in Beijing.

When we arrived in Beijing Leon casually announced that we were there to celebrate our 60th. Immediately the check-in person slipped next door, spoke with the manger and returned with the announcement: “To help you celebrate, we are upgrading you to a corner suite with an extra sitting room, 2 baths and office space.” We had barely arrived in that glorious space when the manager and a butler arrived with a magnum of champaigne, two flutes and an assortment of sweets beautifully arranged on a bed of rose petals. And (believe it or not) this process was repeated some 10 days later when we checked into the Marriott in Hong Kong.

Of course, it didn’t stop there. There was a Peking Duck Dinner at the premier Peking Duck restaurant in Beijing (complete with a certificate showing the registered numbers of the two ducks we had eaten certifying that they were indeed of the genuine highest quality available anywhere in the country.) When our host took us for dinner in the home of the top Ophthalmologist of Chinas, we tagged along as guests. We were greeted with a beautiful personal gift of a tea set, served a 20 dish meal, and fêted not only with Qingdao beer but also with a very good moa tai.

All of our travel and accommodations within China were given us by a marvelous friend by the name of Laurie Li Xiao Hung and her husband Wang Qing. I first met Laurie when she was my country guide on the first of 4 tours I led in China. Our relationship went beyond the professional. When she visited the Sates I was blessed to baptize her into the Christian faith.

Laurie is a very smart and effective businesswoman. When she was about two years of age she literally lived in a pigsty when her father as an intellectual was sent to the countryside by Mao Tze Tung for “reeducation” during the Cultural Revolution. Now 50 years later she has utilized her amazing organizing, marketing, and service skills so that she now owns two apartments and two offices. One of those apartments she made available just for Jane and me for our stay in Xian. This was not just a place to sleep: She equipped it with a well stocked bar, new silk bed coverings, specially arranged computer and phone access, and (get this) she moved a piano into the apartment and had it specially tuned so that Jane could play the piano while we were visiting. Of course, she hosted us everywhere we went. We couldn’t even pay for a cup of tea.

It keeps going: Because Laurie is in the travel business she arranged for one of the very top Tour Guides in all of China to give us a personalized tour of the Tierra Cotta Warriors with reserved VIP parking space included. When we went to visit the Shaan Xi Provincial Museum Ping our Guide was really such an expert that I commented upon it. Lauri’s reply, “Of course, she is the best. You must know that when Bill Gates and Warren Buffet were in China she was appointed their official guide!”

Laurie and her husband Qing (whose government official boss had loaned us the car for our visit) took us everywhere, served us in special restaurants (including the one where our menu was a succession of 8 different kinds of specially prepared mushrooms), entertained us at a Tang Dynasty Cultural show and helped us meet a University professor who had taught our son years ago when he studied in China.

It was Laurie who gave us the tickets to Guilin and who paid for Peter, our guide, who took us down the Li River. It was Laurie who had her colleague in that city host us for a gorgeous dinner and sent us on our way with gifts. (See my upcoming blog, Religion in China, for Laurie took us to a very special worship service with her family)

In spite of my protests that I wanted to be the host, the Parent Effectiveness Training licensee in Shenzhen feted us at plush Seaside Sheraton Hotel which at lunch featured a gorgeously decorated 60th Wedding anniversary cake, all documented by the official photographer whom she employed to record our little celebration. The host by the name of Coco hired a private car to ease our exit from China and entry into Hong Kong where this amazing hospitality just kept going. Private transportation everywhere on a Mercedes driven by former student Kim Lin Chu who hosted us with meals at places like the Peninsula and Repulse Bay hotels. This happened after another couple of former students met us virtually upon our arrival at our hotel to give us a relaxing message, provide us with a generous wad of “walking around” money, gave us a cell phone and an assortment of other gifts. Other alumni and friends just kept feting us - at their home, at The American Club, the Yau Chuen Club et sim. It all came to a grand finale when some 150 alumni threw a massive 60th wedding anniversary celebration formal dinner with much multi-media, flowing wine, humongous wedding cake, free flowing wine, gifts, excellent emcee, thanksgiving prayers, dedicatory books, the naming of Kieschnick Garden etc.etc.

Then First Class travel home and now the memories to last beyond a lifetime.

China/Hong Kong I: Energy

(Note: I have just returned from a three week visit to China and Hong Kong and will reflect on some of my experiences and impressions in a series of blogs of which this is No. 1)

Energy; I felt it as soon as I got off the long flight. People moved quickly through the airport. The persons waiting in line with their signs to welcome newcomers jostled each other to get closer to the exiting passengers. On the drive from the Beijing airport to our hotel I got the first experience of traffic in China today. Gone are the millions of bicycles or even the ox carts, or pedicabs of earlier visits. Now it is all cars and trucks by the millions in traffic that seems incredibly chaotic to an American (And I am accustomed to New York City, Chicago and Los Angeles). Lanes mean nothing. Cutting in front of other drivers is the only way to make progress. Shifting of lanes is constant, exiting from a right exit by crossing across four lanes. Drivers kept their cool, accidents were no more common than in other countries. It was just millions of Chinese determined to get to their destination as quickly as possible.

Pedestrians have no roadway rights. It was explained to me this way, “There are billions of people in China. If pedestrians ever had the right of way, vehicular traffic would be in permanent stop. This is the only way traffic could ever move.” And I was also told that as a pedestrian I must keep walking forward, if stopped, then halt momentarily, but by no means should I ever take a step back. “If you ever take a step back as a pedestrian you will just confuse everyone in China. Don’t do it. Keep your face forward and when there is a three foot space in front of an approaching car move into it.”

This urge to move finds another way of expressing itself in elevators. As soon as a person enters an elevator the “Close door” button is pushed. If another person enters before the elevator starts up, that person, too, immediately presses the “close door” button. When I was a bit slow in inserting my hotel key into the special slot before pushing my floor number I felt the impatience of my fellow passengers. The message is: Hurry, Hurry, Hurry!

This hectic pace is reflected in an unprecedented flurry of construction. China has paved more miles of highways in the last few years than the rest of the world combined. The typical way of dealing with a mountain is to tunnel through it. Wide expanses like the ocean between the city of Qingdao and outlying islands are simply spanned by the world’s largest (by far) sea bridge. Bullet trains are what the people expect everywhere, not just in Shanghai. For years the joke has been that the national bird of China is the crane. Huge construction cranes dot the landscape of every large city in China. In Xian alone I saw thousands as far as the eye could see. Massive construction sites of apartment units utilize a separate crane for each structure.

The old wedding walk in which the male friends of the groom accompanied him by foot to get his bride from her home was a centuries old custom. Now this is replaced by car caravans, often including autos especially rented for the occasion. In the long fast driving procession the cars get into a row and speed down the freeway. Their intention is clearly identified because they are decorated with wedding flowers, ribbons and specially designed license plates that have cartoon style depictions of the bride and groom. In some cases they even have a police car escorting the pack, hurrying them on their way at 75 miles an hour..

Thanks to the growing economic power of the masses, Chinese can now become tourists to the amazingly varied and plentiful tourist suites in this remarkable country. So new hotels, restaurants, tour buses, tour boats are everywhere. We went down the beautiful Li River to marvel at the overwhelming beauty of the mountains of the region. The first time I went down this river in 1989 we were on the lone boat to make that trip that day, with a passenger capacity of less than 100. This time there were 20 boats in this caravan-each with some 200 passengers on board, by far the vast majority of them being Chinese.

The only thing more hectic than travel in Beijing or maybe Shentzhen is travel in the beyond –all comprehension-pace of life in Hong Kong; but that’s another story.

Object of Charity

Throughout my life I have been the blessed object of charity, well beyond my deserving or anyone’s imagination. It begins with the early memory of me as a five-year-old kid at our church/school picnic. My uncle gave me a quarter. That amount was huge, enough for five ice cream cones or a hamburger, a cone, a candy bar, a strawberry soda pop and then another cone.

When I was in high school preparing to teach in the church I received a most unusual gift. A bride from my home church had gone through the ritual of that time to pass around the bride’s shoe and the guests would put in coins as a special gift for her. She decided not to keep it but to send it to me to help with my tuition.

When I was in college I did not have the money even for a bus ticket from Concordia Chicago to Texas at Christmas time. So on December 23rd I was busy as a bar tender at a Christmas party at the Oak Park Club. When I got to my dorm after midnight there was a check from another uncle for $100.00, a full term’s tuition at that time!

My first assignment after college graduation was as principal of St. Paul’s Lutheran in Tracy California. At Christmas the parents of my students gave me the cash to spend Christmas with my fiancé teaching in Michigan. When we returned a year later as a new couple the pantry shower held for us caused our kitchen to overflow with goodies. This was followed by chicken for the fryer, tomatoes to can and an occasional six-pack to enjoy.

The gifts kept coming. One night at my next parish in Glendale, California we went to a dinner at the end of which a big television was rolled into the room. It was our first TV ever.

From there we went to Hong Kong where colleagues and parents of students even out of their poverty were most generous with gifts of many kinds, including, for example, two freshly laid eggs a grateful mother sent from her meager little operation in gratitude for the education her children were receiving. Just before we boarded a flight to the USA to take to a hospital my wife who was suffering from a cerebral aneurysm, my 12-year-old son came running into the house. “Dad, the woman at that little shack of a store at the end of our street heard that Mom was sick. Here, she sent an orange for Mom and a bottle of beer for you!”

When a long recuperation period for my wife was demanded, the generosity we experienced more than matched our anxieties. The faculty wives of Concordia Chicago baby-sat a couple of times a week. Mabel Warnke who had visited us in Hong Kong provided a refrigerator and meals twice a week. When the editor of the church’s periodical realized I did not have an overcoat he literally took his off his back and placed it on my shoulders.

It goes on to great lengths which overwhelms me (and might bore the reader): “The green fees are on me”; Gift cards like “dinner for two at the steak house”; “I’ll host a meal at Ghaddi’s in the Peninsula”; “Just take those hearing aids. I have been looking for someone who could use them”; Next month Jane and I take off for 3 weeks in China, all First Class and all paid for by friends, old and new!

Probably most amazing of all is that when I get all these undeserved gifts the donors have never made me feel like “an object of charity”. I have never felt like an object, but always like a person who reflects in gratitude, wonder and praise to the Giver and the givers of all these good and perfect gifts.

Four Strong Women

I have been blessed to be in a family line that has included many very strong women. Lately I have reflected upon just 4 of them.

Great Grandmother Friedrich grew up in the post-Civil War sparsely settled ranch and farmlands of Texas. She raised the vegetables, the hogs, the calves, the chickens that kept her family fed and nourished. At one pint she noticed that the number of chickens in her coop seemed to be diminishing at a rate faster than what she had been slaughtering them. Then she noticed that this reduction seemed to occur during the night. So one night she stationed her self in the back of the chicken pen armed only with a very strong flashlight. Sure enough: In the middle of the night a figure appeared in the doorway. As he stepped in she flashed the light upon him and recognized him as a young farm worker who lived in one of the huts on her farm. He was, of course, as startled as she. He stammered, “I am lost. Can you tell me the way to Giddings?” (a nearby town). Immediately Great Grandma stared him down and said, “You (expletive deleted) know the way to Giddings as well as I do. Now get out of here because if you come again I will have something stronger than a flashlight on my hand!” From then on the only chickens that disappeared from her hen house were those that ended up in her frying pan.

Aunt Elizabeth became a widow responsible for two young children when she was just in her thirties. She managed it all by raising chickens and marketing them and the eggs they produced. In her old age she lived alone. One night a young man (possibly on drugs) appeared in her room. He was armed. He demanded she go get him money. She refused to budge. Instead she started a conversation. She reminded him that somewhere he must have a mother who loved him and who would be disappointed to see him robbing an old defenseless widow. She kept the conversation going as the would-be robber became more reflective, decided not to pursue the robbery and was about to leave. At that point Aunt Elizabeth said “No, wait. Sit down. We are going to have a prayer.” And so she prayed for the young man, his mother and his future. She was never intruded upon again.

My Mother had to be physically strong. She bore nine children. One summer she “put-up” 800 quarts of vegetables and fruits to feed us through the winter. She washed our clothes without a hot water heater, wrung the clothes dry by hand and hung them up on wash lines. Then she starched and ironed basketful after basketful of them. She nursed us all through red-eye, measles, mumps, whooping cough, scarletina, poison ivy, broken bones and broken hearts.

One image stands out for me. Somehow or other the very large pasture surrounding our house, barn and sheds caught fire in the midst of a dry Texas summer. The parched grass and broom weeds were blazing and heading toward our home. Dad was not at home. Mother marshaled us. She got out 5 cans holding 5 gallons each and old burlap bags. I can still see my mom lugging two enormous cans each holding five gallons of water. She ran to the edge of the fire some 100 yards away, wet down the burlap bags and beat down the flames at the edge of the on-coming conflagration. Then she ran back refilled those cans, again she lugged them to the fire, instructing us to join her. She repeated this until the fire was extinguished. I still see her, not only struggling with those heavy containers, but after the fire breathing very heavily, completely exhausted, sweating, black with ash and sighing after saving our home from destruction.

My sister Mimi had already proven herself by rising to be first the head nurse and then the widely acclaimed administrator of a community hospital. Then one average Saturday morning she walked into the small Walburg State Bank to make a simple transaction. In the midst of this, two angry men walked in, armed and aggressive. They ordered Mimi to lie face down prone on the floor. She did. They ordered the teller to turn over the cash. He complied and still they fired at him with the bullet grazing his head. One of the robbers stood over Mimi straddling her body. Then just before exiting he fired and blew the skull off the back of her head. Ambulances arrived, emergency care was provided. Contrary to every prognosis and due to Providence, old ammunition, and the strength and determination of one very strong woman, Mimi recovered enough to advance in her profession and receive statewide acknowledgment of her skills and leadership. Then recently she had “ a medical incident”. The attending physician who had not really studied her medical history said to her “Hmm, this activity seems to be the result of some severe trauma to your brain. Do you have any memory of something like that happening?” She remembers, of course, but it has not kept her from being one more of those strong women who continue to be for me much-valued models and inspiration.

Blog: Sounds, Silence, Community

SOUNDS: There are so many sounds I just love to hear. The Dr.’s voice “Mother and baby are both fine” The grandkids in the room next door just having fun together. The key opening the front door as my teen-ager returns from her date. The Hallelujah Chorus. The roar of the crowd at a home game with my team scoring the winning run. The plop at the bottom of the cup after a long putt. The intimate whisper that says, “I love you” The very personal sounds of satisfying sex with one’s spouse. The train whistle in the dark distance. The hustle and bustle of people, cars, buses, policemen, hawkers of central Hong Kong or downtown Manhattan. Soft and gentle or raucous and lively, I love sounds.

SOUNDS: There are so many sounds I hate to hear. A parent yelling putdowns to her child. Heavy rock metal. Your flight has been delayed. The stock market is down 500 points. A religious zealot telling me that “if you just…” The answering machine telling me I have 21 messages. Unfortunately the test results came out…” The talk show host who just won’t shut up. The alarm clock after what seems like just minutes since I fell asleep.

SILENCE: There is a silence I love. I walk in silence under the majestic redwoods of Muir Woods. The TV is off, no one speaks, no cars are within earshot. The rare quiet of the sanctuary before the prelude. The loud couple at the restaurant table next to ours has just signed their credit card. Parent-teacher conferences are over for the day and I sit at my desk alone. I stand alone at sunset over my parents’ grave in the Texas country church graveyard. I lie awake at 2:00 am and just reflect and all is okay.

SILENCE: There is a silence I don’t like. I wait for the phone to ring with good news, but there is no ring. I make a presentation to a class, ask for reaction and no one speaks, I ponder a tragedy, I ask, “WHY?” and can hear no response from anywhere. I do something well and await some affirmation but no words reach my ears. I seek for just the right words to say to someone in pain but come up only with silence.

COMMUNITY: I reflect upon SOUND and SILENCE as I read about David Brooks new book, “The Social Animal”. From it I learn an essential truth: In all my sounds and silences there is a part of me that is seeking a “connection, a closing of the loneliness loop, an urge to merge a community. In all my sounds, in all my silences, I am never completely alone. I am connected with nature, with others, with the eternal.