ROSARIO - LISTEN

Once a month we gathered to tell our stories, share our pain and look for signs of hope. The group, which I helped facilitate, was made up of first year teachers in New York Lutheran elementary schools.

The new teacher’s question surprised me. “How do I deal with a group of students who make fun of their classmate?”

“What’s the issue?” I asked, knowing she was in a multi-racial ethnic school.

“Well, the kids tease Rosario. They tell her she smells. The problem is: She does! Her clothes are clean enough, but I doubt if she ever takes a bath.”

I suggested that the teacher get some very private one on one time with her student. I suggested she gently ask her about her bathing habits and then just listen, not judge, not condemn, not teach, just listen to the response.

When we next met the new teacher could hardly wait to share her experience. She had followed my suggestions. Her student had said it was true that she didn’t bathe. “It is too scary!” she said.

The teacher listened. “Scary?”

“Yes, I’m afraid I might die.”

“You’re frightened that taking a bath might cost you you’re life. That is scary.”

Slowly the whole story came out. This little second grader had seen her mother get into the bathtub. While she was rinsing her hair she had a stroke and died right there in the tub in front of her child’s terrified eyes.

The teacher held the trembling tearful child as she related the story. More conversation ensued. A consultation with the very silent surviving father was productive.

After a while, Rosario came to school all fresh and bright. The one thing that opened the door was listening. The power of empathic, nonjudgmental active listening is a power beyond words. All of us who have access to listening ears or to the Listening Ear know this.