WHAT WILL PEOPLE THINK! A LESSON TOO WELL LEARNED

My mother of blessed memory taught me many things, including lots of memorized material. Night after night she sat with me to ensure that I had done my memory work” for the next day’s religion class at the Lutheran elementary school. Thus we memorized not only Luther’s Small Catechism but also the hundreds of “proof texts” in Dr. Schwan’s expanded version of that classic. Added to that were hymns, a few poems and many proverbs and sayings. Some of the proverbs were known to all in that German community. I still hear “Eigenlobt stinck” (Self praise stinks.) any time I come close to telling someone of a personal accomplishment. Other sayings she made up for the occasion: “Wenn du hungrig bist, denn schmueck auch jelly brot gut.” (If you are hungry, then plain old jelly bread tastes good.) This came when I complained that there were no freshly baked cookies available.

There is, however, one frequent reminder that, I fear, I may have over-learned and that is “What will people think!” That was really important to my mom. She often reminded me that I was the son of the principal of that small Lutheran school and people would be watching my actions. What would they think if I misbehaved! We often wore hand-me-down clothes, but they needed to be clean and ironed or else, “What would people think!” I learned to say, “Thank You” and “Please” and “I am sorry” because if I failed to do that, “What would people think!” I had to watch my manners, my mouth, my eating and spending habits. The threat was there, spoken and unspoken. Mess up in any of these areas and people would think poorly of me, of my family, of German people and certainly of Lutherans.

As stated above, this lesson served me well. It caused me on occasion to reflect before I acted or reacted. I believe it helped me develop a sense of empathy. It helped me to not bring shame to my heritage.

And it has also not always served me that well. At times I have kept my mouth shut when the situation really demanded that I speak the truth. Fear of people’s reaction trumped my obligation to speak up. I have accepted invitations, taken on too many assignments, expected too much from my children, hidden some of my political or even religious views and values, etc… all because I was afraid that if I exposed my true thoughts, feelings, values or desires, then I would be though less of. In the process I have sometimes compromised my integrity.

So, dear Mother, I have written this blog even though there is a voice in the back of my head warning me, “What will people think!”