Parenting: From The Bahamas to China

It was in the middle of winter and I was living in New York. The assignment was to take me to The Bahamas. I accepted. The Lutheran School there was experiencing some challenges and the national Lutheran Church asked me to go see if some satisfying solutions could be worked out.

The Lutheran school there had a lot going for it. Nice campus. Committed parents. Some excellent teachers. Fairly stable financial situation. Good reputation in the community. And there were some serious problems. There was a member of the school board who was a strong-willed antagonist seeking his own personal goal to the detriment of the school. Relations with the congregation sponsoring the school were becoming strained.. Teachers wanted to instill good values into their children but they also knew that the tuition funds for many of their students was secured through the transshipment of illegal drugs.

So I worked hard with appointments beginning at 6:30 am and one even beginning at 11:30 pm. I think we made some progress.

I rewarded myself by taking a later afternoon flight out so as to allow time for 18 holes of golf prior to departure. It was beautiful day and a gorgeous golf course. After a few holes I joined another single. He was a very good golfer and had more than that going for him. When he casually mentioned his Manhattan, New York address I realized that he lived in one of the top suites of Trump Tower. As we entered into conversation he invited me to join him for lunch on his yacht which was moored in the harbor. When I asked him how I would identify his particular yacht he not immodestly replied “It’s the biggest one there.”

So I had an elegant lunch aboard. It was beautifully served by a cadre of servants. It was then I learned what he really wanted to talk about. He was about to become a parent for the first time. He knew that I had done parent training and he wanted to pick my brain. He really wanted to be a good parent. Finances and the best schools should not be an issue. But, he wondered, how could he be such a parent that his child would have decent values, be an honorable member of society, achieve their own significant goals, have a healthy personality, etc.? We talked a long time and I shared my ears but also ideas, experiences and resources.
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We parted and I never met him again. But he continues to occasionally rest gently on my mind. I believe that virtually all parents want to be good parents. They almost always really want what is best for their children. However, their actions do not always match their intentions. I know that too often parents are blamed and not trained.

That is one reason I have just accepted an invitation to spend the month of June in China. I will be there as a consultant to an organization which has just secured the Chinese Government’s imprimatur on offering Parent Effectiveness Training in China. They want to reach a million parents and want to do it with quality programs and instructors. I get to be a part of that. And if it doesn’t include golf or yacht lunches it will still be a great adventure.