The Fourth Commandment

“Honor your father and your mother that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.”

I am very clear about this commandment. To the extent that I have kept it, it is more of a reflection upon my parents than upon me. To the best of my memory it was always easy for me to honor my parents. In my memory they always loved me. They had an uncanny ability to make each one of us 9 kids feel like we were very special and yet not being their single most favorite. Their actions (probably somewhat purified by selective memory) seemed fair, loving, and patient. Of course, they were strict (yet not harsh nor punitive.) I do remember that on rare occasions they spanked, but I only remember one such incidence where my Mother spanked me for flipping wet dish towels at my sisters rather than at the dishes.

While I know this Commandment speaks of us honoring our parents, one of my best memories is when my Father honored me. I made a vocational choice, which I feared would upset him. When I explained my decision to him, dad said, “Mel, I raised you as a son whom I could trust. So, of course, I trust you made the right decision for you. And that is what I want!”

Martin Luther added an interesting dimension to the 4^th Commandment when he insisted that honor due to our parents should be extended to “all who are in legitimate authority over us in the state, church or work place.” I try to remember that when I am tempted to bad mouth those who have those roles and make a mess of it. Even when I cry out in disgust at some of what they do, I hear brother Martin say. “That may be right, but do respect them as God’s representative over you. Disagree, but with respect for the position they hold.”

Since I worked for ten years with wonderful Chinese colleagues in Hong Kong I immediately think of them when I think of the Fourth Commandment. It was they, out of their Confucian tradition, rather than Judaic/Christian that really taught me about filial piety. It is they who modeled for me respect for the entire family tradition, reverence for protecting the family name, humility in the face of age, respect for those in the family who came before me.

There is one little argument I do have with God over this Commandment. Now that I am 85 and wake up with some pains, a memory that is not as sharp and a will that is not as strong as in the past I am sometimes ready to say, “Forget about that long life stuff. I am ready to be with my Mom and Dad right now!”