I Am Number One

 I really have never thought much about it. Yet I suppose that It would be nice to be recognized in some way as “being number one in the world!” I recently realized that I do deserve that honor. If there were a designation “Most sloppy person in the world” I think I would deserve to be at the top of the list.

Let me present my credentials: On Easter Sunday we had our usually wonderful dinner with the Paulovich’s. We had not yet finished eating when I looked down and saw the mess I’d made around my plate. There was evidence of every course. As I looked around the table I saw that every other of the 12 places was spotless. I don’t think Barbara would have had to wash the tablecloth – but Mel was there and that tablecloth needed laundering.

This morning I looked at the big stain on our bed sheet! No, you would never guess. It was chocolate ice cream. Honestly, I took only a couple little teaspoons, which I thought I had finished before reaching the bedroom. Wrong: I had left my mark.

It doesn’t matter if my dress shirt is white or colored. It is sure to have evidence of the fact that I had coffee during our church’s coffee hour and some of that coffee somehow gets embedded in my shirt.

Our living room is really quite neat and the carpet is in pretty good shape, with one exception: the area around my lounger. It is not just crumbs, peanut shells or salsa that show up but significant areas that can only be red wine spots and I don’t even fill my glass to the brim.

I need to make my amends to my mother. She tried so hard to have me be neat, to use my napkin, to lean over my table settings when I eat, to not over fill my fork or spoon. In spite of her bets efforts I continue to be worthy of the very title she wanted me to avoid: “Melvin you are a Slop Hans”.

So I have decided to not fight it, but to accept it and be grateful that there is at least one thing in the world to which I can claim to be NUMBER ONE!