Closure and Moving On

It is now more than three months since our son David died. The literature says, “It’s time for closure and moving on.” That might be good advice. Yet something about those words does not ring true to me. I want to remember and I also want to move on, but I will move on aware that my life has a new reality. I have changed. I want to “move on” but as a changed person. That is what I am trying to do.

But first there are some elements to the closure that I want to always remember. I want to be grateful for the many letters, notes, cards, emails and memorial gifts that help me recall the best of David. So many stories of him reaching out to those looked down upon or ignored by others. The story from a Community Center he started when AIDS was a bad word not to be mentioned in polite company. This Center now serves some thousand clients  a day. The letter from Finland  informing me that more than 3000 copies of his “Home for Christmas” article had been distributed. The old newspaper clipping we discovered in which teen-agers and their parents wrote letters to the editor in affirmation of his work on the streets of Glen Ellyn, IL on behalf of young people who were losing  their way. A couple pastors even sent copies of sermons they preached built around recollections of David’s faith, positive attitude and advocacy for the persecuted. (and I try to forget that in the midst of this there were  and are others claiming the name Christian who call for the death and eternal damnation for people like David.)

So  I think of all this as I seek closure.

And then comes another flood of memories; Family. Dave’s sibs have been incredible, both in supporting him in his last months and in dealing with all that comes after a death. They have divided the tasks. Peggy is CEO responsible for selling the house, car, etc.Tim is dealing with all those medical bills which will be coming in for another year. John deals with the finances associated with credit cards, insurance  proceeds et sim, Liz worked on all the Celebration of Life issues around caterer, tarps for the patio n etc.etc. And they are doing this all without any sibling (or parental ) acrimony.

Family extends also to my birth family, with special appreciation for the support also demonstrated by the attendance here for the last rituals. They came from Texas. They made their own arrangements for accommodations. They spoke lovingly and emotionally at the ceremonies. They took care of “the elderly” among the group.

All of this marvelous family harmony and support stands in strong contrast to what I have unfortunately seen in others who deal with these matters with great disagreements, arguments and even bitterness,

Anyone who has deatl with taking care of post-death arrangements knows there is pain involved in things like  conducting an estate sale, taking care of the cremains, disposing of personal items like clothes and favorite arr objects.

In the midst of this has been the care of 7 members of one Afghan family which just arrived in the USA escaping the Taliban who had already killed their father and elder brother. David had been providing housing and other assistance and now other sources of support need to be identified.

I realize that I am certainly not alone in all this. Thousands around the world do this every hour. I have the special advantage of a spouse who is with me all the way sharing not only the tasks  but also the emotions.

And now I move on, determined to live each day as fully as possible, to put people first, to have my house in order and to confidently trust the One who walks beside me every day, now and forever.