Reflections on a Long and Blessed Life No. 49: First Born

From the moment we were married (and before) my wife Jane and I knew that we wanted to have children. Moreover, birth control was not really a part of my life experience. My Mother and Father had 9 children.  We were married in July; by the end of December Jane was pregnant and very early on the Sunday morning of September 14 I was at the hospital awaiting the birth of our first-born. Jane had the excellent care of the best doctor in Tracy California, Dr. Longely. When we arrived at the hospital, however, he was out of town and an unknown substitute was called in. In those days fathers were not allowed anywhere near the delivery room so I was sent to the waiting area. There I immediately fell sound asleep to be awakened with the news “It’s a boy!”  When some criticized me for sleeping during Jane’s labor I explain that there was really nothing I could do to assist Jane and besides I had to get to church by 10:00 o’clock to teach my Sunday morning Bible class. We rejoiced and gave thanks for our first-born: David Allan.

We had no family living in California but members of the St. Paul congregation were very supportive and helpful to us in our care for our new baby. Elder members of the congregation joined us in celebration and care. Baptism followed quickly and was celebrated with a big dinner in our tiny apartment.

David was a wonderful son and brought us many learnings, blessings and unfailing support. My mind overflows with memories. Regretfully he very early developed asthma and I still shudder as I recall fearing that he would suffocate because he could not get his breath. Both Jane and I hated to, but reluctantly gave him adrenalin shots.) By the time he was ready for kindergarten we were living in Hong Kong and we sent him to an all-Chinese kindergarten. He spoke no Chinese-but loved it. When the kindergarten put on its big program for parents he (naturally, as it seemed to his teachers) was assigned the role of an American Indian. He was a bright student in school, which included Kowloon Junior School, King George V high school and later Luther South High School in the States. He graduated as a National Merit Scholar. He followed in the footsteps of both of his parents and enrolled at Concordia Teachers College, River Forest, (now Chicago). He became certified as a Director of Christian Education for the L:CMS. He was in college during the very hectic 1960’s. To my great delight he was elected president of the student body, just 20 years after I had held that position which had been 20 years after my father had held that position, all at the same college.

His career as a DCE, however, was short-lived as he became open as a gay man and thus was barred by the LCMS from holding office or  (by many of that church) as even being deemed a Christian! My understanding of and acceptance of his sexual orientation could well be the basis of an entire book. Let me just say that Dave took the initiative and we spent a weekend of just the two of us a retreat center to discuss this vital matter. To my everlasting regret I told him my opinion which at the time assumed that sexual orientation was a choice (and a very bad one!) I urged him to pray about it, to see a counselor and to not disclose this to his mother! His response: “Dad, I have seen a counselor tens of times and prayed about this thousands of time. I am gay-that is how God chose to make me!”

Of course I changed my mind and Jane never had to change her mind as she was much more knowledgeable and accepting all along. Dave had a successful career in serving youth street kids, retail business, hospital administration and computer services.

His faith remained strong in spite of incredible prejudice, judgments and rejection. He forgave me for my lack of understanding and misjudgments. As I have written elsewhere in my blogs, he became a leader in helping the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America adopt its current position of affirming the status, gifts, and ministries of gay people. He was the one person whom many who were dying of AIDS wanted at their bedside in their final moments.

Again, -as I have written in my Blogs of early 2015 he died of cancer way too young. He lives in my memory every day. I consider him one of the very great and many gifts that God bestowed upon me.